Knowledge is power, my dear reader. With the knowledge presented in this article, you too could earn the power of turning everything you say into an ambiguous, cheesy lyrics that will make girls think you desire them.

Welcome my reader, to:

(warning: using this guide might result in you becoming a creep and dying alone)

Part1: Sleaze up

No-one will suspect the average guy of being ambiguous. People should know from the start that you’re going to be unclear. And you can let them know that, by looking like a sleazy douche.

But why will it work, the skeptic reader may ask. The idea behind it is that while your looks will be the one of a very, very sleazy guy, her good education will not allow her to judge a book by its cover. Thus, the dance of ambiguous words and confusion can commence.

Facial Expression

By applying a small smile and lowering your eyelids just a little, you will achieve the magical “I’m So Sexeh” expression. The expression, combined with the other tools presented below, will let the girls know that they shouldn’t take anything you say too literally. They should, instead, treat it as a sexual harassment. The diagram below shows the right amount of smile and eyes that should be used in order to achieve this look:

Wearing Accessories

There are two approaches for this. One is called “Peacocking” – wearing attention-grabbing items. It is used by professional girl hunters to break the ice. Namely, by getting girls to point at them and laugh.

The other is to look like a complete douche. Which is exactly what we are trying to do here.

Now you’re ready to go into that pub and start talking unclearly to members of the opposite sex. The next part will show you how to do it.

Thank you for reading part one of Cheesify.